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It all started in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Then he found himself on a muddy pitch in February against Sudbury Town in England – and eventually facing Lionel Messi and playing every minute of a World Cup.
My mentality has always been the same: tunnel mentality.
Once in the tunnel, you have a few minutes of calm before the storm. You have to go deep within yourself and create unshakeable confidence. Someone chose you to be there, so while it’s easy to think, “I’m going to be crushed,” sometimes you have to convince yourself that you’re a part of it.
During the 2010 World Cup, Bob Bradley knew how to choose the right players for the right situations. He knew that a good team has all the same characters; it’s full of different ones. He knew which characters were needed at the right time.
Jay Demerit (right) played every minute of the United States’ four games at the 2010 World Cup. (Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
Anyone who knows me knows I’m a character. I had no fear because I had gone through the most difficult parts of my journey to put myself in the position where he could choose me.
When you enter a career at the back of the pack like I did, from Wisconsin, I had to fight for my place on the field from the age of 17 or 18. And at that age, you’re also trying to prove to yourself that you’re good enough.
What I learned from staying in these tunnels throughout my career is that while you line up facing your opponents and wait for the referee to come out, there is a lull – a calm before the storm. This is where the tunnel mentality comes into play.
This applies equally to all walks of life. If you’re interviewing for a dream job, you’ve worked hard to get to that moment.
For me, it was the tunnel. I faced Lionel Messi, Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo – the cream of the crop.
When it comes time to go into battle, you must go deep within yourself and create the wildness and confidence necessary to ensure you are unshakable. It takes a lot of motivation.
Lionel Messi tangles with Jay DeMerit on March 26, 2011 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)
The first moment
When I arrived at Watford in 2004, I played two seasons in the Championship. There were some really good players in that league and I also got to play at Anfield in the FA Cup.
However, we won promotion to the Premier League in 2006, and the first time I looked down the tunnel and thought, “Here we go”, was against Manchester United in our third league game of the season. He was at home at Vicorage Road, a 20,000 capacity stadium. I was vice-captain that year and then I became club captain. Not only is it a new league and better competition, but it’s also more responsibility.
We were waiting in the tunnel for the United team, full of international stars. Edwin van der Sar was in goal. Paul Scholes and Michael Carrick were in midfield. On United’s wings were Ryan Giggs and Ronaldo.
I saw the Manchester United badge on the shirts and thought: OK, you’re in the Prem now, big guy. Are you ready to go?’ It’s very easy to look at Ronaldo and think, ‘Oh my God, he’s that handsome.’ But my tunnel mentality kept me focused.
Cristiano Ronaldo expects a tackle from Jay Demerit during a 2007 FA Cup semi-final. (Stu Forster/Getty Images)
Here are the two key stages of this mentality:
1. Gain confidence
The question I asked myself: How are you going to be the best version of you? And no one knew it better than me. For me, it was about gaining an immense level of confidence. I had faith that someone believed I could get in front of these people and perform well – so I should too.
2. Work ethic
I always say: work on what you’re really good at in the light and work on what you’re not so good at in the dark.
For me, the light was very simple. My job was to win the ball and give it to someone better than me. I had two rules for doing this.
I could get nervous and get in front of the attackers, control them manually and delay that player’s first touch. In those moments, I imagine myself doing my best and winning these challenges.
I always had the “I can do this” mentality. I have to go out and kick Ronaldo. I went out and tested Rooney’s tenacity. I tested Didier Drogba in the air for 90 minutes. Do you know how many people would line up for this opportunity and give their left leg for it? I will go there with determination and confidence.
Jay Demerit holds off a challenge from Wayne Rooney. (Richard Heathcote/Getty Images)
It’s very easy to ask yourself, “How are we going to beat these guys?” I always tried my best to get my mind to a place where I could exit under control and feel empowered.
I think we’re missing that in the development side of the game, working on the things you’re not good at, whether it’s physical or mental. If you focus on that, when you get to those moments of light, you better be refined, you better be ready.
Thrown into the fire with the USA
My first start for the US national team was against Lionel Messi and Argentina in the 2007 Copa América. That summer there was also the Gold Cup, which saw me on the bench, so the second team was in action at that tournament.
I played against Messi when he was still number 19. My job was to mark Hernán Crespo, who at the time was one of the best scorers in the world. In midfield, it was Juan Roman Riquelme who pulled the strings. It was a star-studded lineup.
Ultimately, if you don’t believe you belong there and you don’t know how to convince yourself that you do, your performance will never be good. I was someone who really enjoyed going into these environments as a renegade spirit.
You’ll always know who the strongest and fastest players are at the highest level, but who can keep a cool head when everything is chaotic? Who can stay calm?
I had this ability to stand in that tunnel and be the same player whether I was playing in front of two people or in front of 100,000 people. I really put a lot of mental effort into getting to this point.
