Dear Haya,
I am an introvert and I really find it difficult to socialize. It has never been a concern in my life as a single, but after my engagement, it made my life slightly difficult, as I expect my parents-in-law to always be available to dawatsWeddings and social gatherings in the circles of their family and friends.
My own family is not very out of the way either and we have always appreciated the company of the other at home. This does not mean that we have never left or attended meetings, but it has always been moderate. With my parents-in-law, however, socializing and going out is very common.
I’m just worried that I fight a lot to adapt after marriage. Do you have any advice on whether I should discuss it with my parents because it is an organized configuration or to manage this for myself, which means that I should do my best to adapt to their ways. Please guide.
– a socially anxious bride
Socially anxious future bride,
First, congratulations! Second, I am happy to see you if you are so ventilated to yourself. Self -awareness is a great gift – as long as we learn to use it to support us, not to turn it against ourselves.
I hear several layers in your note: the temperament of being introverted, the transition to join a new family and the pressure of cultural expectations. Approaching these diapers in a reflected way can prevent you from feeling separate between “honoring me” and “honoring my parents-in-law”.
Let me start by reminding you slowly: introversion is not a defect. It is a biological preference for lower levels of external stimulation. It is an energy management style, not a deficit of social skills. When visualized in a neutral way, it becomes easier to navigate. You are not bad to socialize – you simply delight yourself differently. The goal is to honor this rhythm while honoring your relationships.
At the same time, I see your struggle to get married soon in a family where the frequency of socialization is much more than what you are used to and provokes feelings to overwhelm, worry and discomfort for you.
You have spent your whole life with your own family, so there is an integrated comfort zone: over the years, you have listened to temperaments from each other and developed a effortless mutual understanding, which takes time.
Marrying is a big change in itself; Nevertheless, you leave your comfort zone, so yes, it will cause discomfort. Although you cannot get around this change, you can better prepare for the transition.
Let’s see how you can take advantage of your self -awareness to support you.
Recognize and accept your temperament
As mentioned, your introversion does not concern social skills – this is how you manage and preserve your energy. Rather than considering it as a struggle to socialize, try to crop it as understanding your energy limits. You work better around others when you have had the space to recharge, and it is completely normal to recognize that there is a limit to the quantity that you can take socially.
Start with your fiancé, not your parents-in-law
Your future spouse is your ally closest to this transition. Focus on building open and honest communication with him. Leave it on how social situations affect you – which seems overwhelming, where your limits are and what helps you recharge. Share your concerns with him, not as complaints, but as an invitation to support and mutual understanding. This sets the basics of navigation together of your new team life.
Manage your expectations
Know that at the beginning of marriage, there will be a surplus of social obligations, much more than what you are used at the moment – so it is important to mentally prepare for this temporary change. Remember that this increased frequency will not last forever; This will relax when you settle in your new family dynamic. During this period, prioritize yourself by giving yourself the space and the time necessary to recharge.
Supervise the conversation around “energy”, and not “avoid” with parents-in-law
When you start to settle in your new family and gradually establish relationships, you can slowly start to share what helps you work as best as possible. People are often more receptive when they hear what supports your well-being rather than what drains you. For example, instead of saying: “I cannot manage the big gatherings”, you could say: “I can’t wait to dine – the more important events feel easier for me when I had a quiet evening in advance”. When you supervise your needs in terms of recharging, rather than what you avoid, it invites us to understand rather than resistance. It is not a question of making excuses – it is a question of offering a self -awareness with grace and respect.
Finally find a rhythm that suits you
Try to attend each dawat Or marriage can be unrealistic for you in the long term, but avoiding them completely could collapse family ties. As you settle down, you need to find a rhythm that honors you and your family.
Involve your parents if it adds support, not anxiety
Since it is an organized configuration, involving your parents could be useful – if the circumstances are good. If you plan potential misunderstandings and your parents share a respectful and comfortable relationship with your parents-in-law, they can say slowly for you or offer a little context that supports your adjustment.
However, it is important to take a break and ask you: will their involvement bring clarity or add tensions? Sometimes more voices can complicate the dynamics. But if your parents are likely to be well received and can offer a brief and thoughtful on your nature and your needs, this could facilitate the transition. Choose what seems emotionally sure and supports for you.
Build a small exhibition now
An excellent way to prepare yourself is through the exhibition. You present the type of situations that you will sail after the wedding. Train to attend some additional rallies before the wedding so that the new routine does not hit you like a tidal raz. Provide each output as data: what helped? What has emptied you? Adjust accordingly.
Protect your basic rituals
Keep the habits that recharge you – Calm in the morning, solo walks, journalization. When these are in place, you will enter social spaces with a more complete emotional reservoir.
Remember: Relations thrive on authenticity and compassionate borders. Families appreciate sincerity much more than perfect attendance; Marriage is a partnership, not a performance. By communicating your needs early, fixing thoughtful limits and meeting your family halfway, you model mutual respect and create deeper and warmer long -term connections – much more significant than attending each event but feeling resentment or exhausting.
I wish you the best – and if at any time, it always seems overwhelming, do not hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can walk by your side with support adapted to your unique trip.
– Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner (NLP), a strategist for corporate well-being and a coach with expertise in the creation of organizational cultures focused on well-being and awareness of mental health.
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