Dear Haya,
I am unable to feel happy and feel very numb. I do not know if it is linked to certain trauma passed or not, but I no longer feel certain emotions. I barely remember the last time I was happy.
Please guide me about how I can feel more connected to my emotions.
Dear Anon,
Thank you for holding your hand and sharing what you are going through. It takes courage to name the feeling of emotional numbness you are experiencing – a state that can often feel confusing, isolating and even frightening. Although I do not know the full extent of your story, what you have described is something that many individuals experience, in particular those who have undergone prolonged stress, unresolved trauma or an emotional submerge.
The fact that you tend yourself and that you are aware of yourself is a positive sign alone. And the first recovery sign is to recognize the signs.
In response to your question, happiness is an emotion as many other emotions that are supposed to be felt. This does not mean that we will feel happy all the time, but there will be moments that we will live moments of happiness.
If in the past you have known no kind of emotion – it’s alarming.
Let’s take a look to see an emotional numbness understand.
The first thing to know is that emotional numbness is not a defect or a failure – it is actually the way of your body to protect you. When emotional pain becomes too overwhelming or lasts too long, your nervous system can react by “closing” your access to feelings. This is a survival response, not a conscious choice. This is how your system tries to protect you from the pain that seemed too great to manage at the time.
This type of closure is particularly common in people who have undergone trauma. And it is important to understand – trauma does not always look like a great dramatic event. This can be everything that seemed too much, too fast or too early for your nervous system to be treated. It could have happened in childhood, during your adolescence, or even in adulthood. And sometimes, that’s not what happened, but how dangerous or dangerous you felt while it happened.
When these experiences are not fully treated, they accumulate and we often remove the emotions linked to them – not because we want it, but because we had to pass. Over time, this emotional “gel” becomes second nature. This can make you cut not only painful emotions, but also joy, connection, alignment and even love. It is the painful paradox of emotional numbness: it prevents pain, but it also prevents good things.
You may not consciously remember everything that has happened, but your body does. As the proverb says, “the body maintains the scoring.” Each experience we live – especially those that we do not deal with completely – leaves a brand in the nervous system. And when the nervous system feels stuck, it can lead to a persistent state of emotional numbness.
Our nervous system has several natural responses to stress: combat, theft, frost and fawn. These are all normal and necessary survival states. Ideally, we enter and out of them depending on what we need in the moment. But when we are stuck in one of them – like the freezing – it can lead to feeling emotionally closed, disconnected or numb.
From what you have described, it seems that your nervous system could be in a gel response. This means that your body tries to protect you by remaining motionless, calm and emotionally “offline”. This is not your fault. And you are not broken.
The good news is: Like your system suitable for surviving, it can also learn to feel again. Healing is possible. It starts by understanding what is going on in you, reconnecting gently with your body and learning that it is sure to feel again – a small step at a time.
Let’s see how you can recover:
The first step towards reconnection is not to force the feelings to come back, but to make them gently. It is possible to recover from a freezing state in the nervous system – but it takes patience, compassion and soft steps. The answer to the frost often occurs when the body feels outdated and powerless, therefore healing requires creating a feeling of security, connection and movement again – slowly and in a coherent manner.
1. Start with safety
Your nervous system should know that you are safe now, even if you don’t feel safe in the past. It starts by developing emotional security in yourself. Are there moments in your day when you even feel a little safe, calm or anchored? Try to raise awareness of these micro-moles and to develop them slowly. Recognize them. Rest assured mentally: “I’m safe at the moment.” You might not feel it immediately, but the gentle repetition can start to reclaim your system.
2. Rearcher with the body – gently
Mindfulness practices – such as body analyzes, earth and soft breathing – can help you reconnect with the sensations of your body, which are the gateway to emotion. Start your mornings with the work of breathing (these are many guided meditations that can help you with this quirky timer, calm)
3. Name what you feel (even if it is nothing)
Try to say out loud or write: “At the moment, I feel numb or I don’t know what I feel” named it without judging it creates space. Even if his neon lights, it’s always a form of emotional honesty. Over time, you may notice glimmer of other emotions – such as sadness, calm or even curiosity.
4. Engage in the work and movement of creative expression
Expression and movement are excellent ways to heal the nervous system. For example, journalization, music or light movements such as yoga or walking will help you express and release what is stored inside.
5. Work with a therapist focused on trauma (if possible)
Therapists trained in somatic therapy, EMDR or versatics on versatile can be deeply favorable to guide you in a regulated state.
Remember that you are not broken. Numbness is not the lack of emotion – it’s the way your body is to face too much, too fast, for too long. Getting out of a freeze State does not consist of getting out of it; It’s no longer like a thaw slowly after being in the cold for a long time. While sensations and emotions are starting to come back, it may seem uncomfortable – but it is a sign that your system wakes up. Healing does not occur at the same time, but gradually and carefully. Give yourself permission to move at your own pace. Your body is wise – it has protected you, and with soft support, it can learn that it is sure to feel again.
– Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner (NLP), a strategist for corporate well-being and a coach with expertise in the creation of organizational cultures focused on well-being and awareness of mental health.
Send him your questions by filling out This form or email at [email protected]
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