Hi Haya,
I’m a teenager and I’ve been feeling quite stressed lately. I really need your advice to find solutions to my problems.
I have several ambitions and goals for my career and future, and while they continue to motivate me, they can also become quite overwhelming for me at times. I often worry about being perfect at it, doing enough, and worry about falling behind, which ultimately impacts my mental health.
Do you have any tips for managing this stress in a healthy way, trying to balance my goals and also taking care of my mental health?
— An ambitious teenager
Dear ambitious teenager,
Thank you for sharing your query. Something many young adults could relate to.
It’s great to hear about your ambitions and dreams, and they continue to motivate you, but I also hear that they tend to overwhelm you. Worrying about them being perfect and fear of falling behind impact your mental health.
When you constantly mix pressure with perfectionism, your ambition can turn into constant worry, causing your nervous system to always stay in “alert mode.” Over time, it can become exhausting, affecting mood, sleep, confidence and motivation, taking you further from your true goals.
A key factor to note about perfectionism is that it is often rooted in fear. The fear of not being enough, the fear of disappointment, the fear of not being enough. Awareness is always the first step to change.
One point to remember: Stress doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It means you care.
Your ambition is your strength, but it needs structure and direction to streamline it. Let’s take a look at what we can do.
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Create a vision board
Get a chart and post photos of all the goals you have set for yourself. Be specific. For example, if there is a financial goal you want to achieve, a certain level of health you want to achieve, a certain career, etc.
Create smart goals
On a piece of paper, write down all the goals you want to achieve over the next 10 years. Once you have them listed, divide them into five-year goals and one-year goals. Divide annual goals into monthly goals and daily goals. Goals should be smart: specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound. When goals are vague, like “I must succeed or I should do more,” the brain remains anxious because it doesn’t know when it is safe to relax.
Zoom in, not zoom out
You’re overwhelmed because you’re trying to plan your entire future at once. Focus on the next small step, the next skill, and the next milestone.
Focus on progress rather than perfection
Perfection always delays action. Progress builds confidence. Ask yourself: What is the smallest imperfect action I can take today?
Focus on other areas of your life
You need to focus on other aspects of your life to simultaneously develop your mental strength. For example, exercise and get restful sleep. This will keep you strong and keep going.
Work on your mindset
Whenever you feel like you’re not doing enough, work on actively resetting your mindset. For example, I do my best. I work every day to achieve my long and short term goals. Remember everything you do.
Work on your perfectionism and your fears
Both feelings are often linked to the beliefs you have about yourself. Work on the relationship you have with yourself and you will notice that the rest will start to fall into place.
Regulation of the nervous system
You need a grounded and secure nervous system to plan for your future. You can do this through breath work, grounding, or by finding what works for you.
Remember, you need a grounded nervous system and clear, achievable goals to plan your entire future. Your job is not to be perfect, your job is to progress while protecting your mental health.
Start with that and see how it goes. If this still feels too overwhelming, I suggest working with a therapist and coach to help you create the life you can’t stop thinking about.
And remember, nothing is impossible, if your mind can conceive it, you can do it. You got this!
Best wishes,
Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.
Send him your questions by filling out this form or sending an email [email protected]
Note: The advice and opinions above are those of the author and specific to the query. We strongly recommend our readers to consult relevant experts or professionals for personalized advice and solutions. The author and PK Press Club.tv assume no responsibility for the consequences of actions taken based on the information provided here. All published articles are subject to editing for grammar and clarity.
