Hi Haya,
I am a single mother of three children and I divorced myself a year ago. I did my best to get back on my children, but I find it very difficult to stay motivated sometimes.
After my divorce, I stayed with my family for a few months, but I managed to find a space for children and myself, so that we are not a burden for anyone. I am proud to have made this huge decision because living in this marriage was impossible. It is also a relief that my children, who have witnessed my suffering, support my decision, but sometimes I feel sad that they must now live a life in difficulty because of me. I do my best and I assume them through a teacher work, but I know that it will take a lot of work to give them everything they need to lead a good life.
I wanted to ask you how I can stay motivated, not necessarily for me, but for my children who now depend completely on me. I feel very lost and demotivated in this trip. Please guide.
– A single mother demotivated
Dear single mother,
First of all, I want to recognize the incredible strength and resilience that you have shown to navigate in such a difficult period of your life. Make the decision to leave an impossible situation and build a life for yourself and your children take immense courage. The love and determination you have for your children are so obvious in your words and are your greatest motivations even if it may not feel this.
It is clear that you are already doing an incredible job as a mother, even if you don’t always feel that. The fact that your children support your decision shows that they see and appreciate your strength, even if they do not express it all the time.
Feeling lost and demotivated is completely natural for you, especially when you have such anxiety and responsibility. You navigate both the emotional weight of your divorce and the practical challenges to be a single mother, which is not a small transition.
Before going further, I would like you to stop and recognize how far you have come and recognize your trip so far. Sometimes we are so focused on research to the future, we forget how far we have arrived.
Regarding motivation, always expecting to be motivated is an ineffective strategy. Motivation comes and goes and is therefore not reliable. However, something that can allow you to connect is to connect to your “why” – your goal. Why are you doing what you do? And from what you have shared, your “why” seems deeply rooted in creating a better and healthier life for your children. When things become difficult, remind you of the progress you have already made and the vision you have for them can help you support you.
Here are some things that I consciously encourage you to do:
Concentrate and recognize your little victories
We are often so taken since we have to go further that we neglect the progress we have already made. Focusing only on the final lens may seem overwhelming, focus on the next small step forward instead. Remember the obstacles you have already overcome – like finding a home for your family and keeping your job as a teacher – can help you appreciate the park path and the progress you continue to make.
Take time for yourself
It may seem impossible to you, but it could even be 10 to 20 minutes before children wake up. A small simple routine before you start the day can make you feel more anchored and in control of yourself, offering you improved mental and emotional stability. To take care of your children, you must first take care of yourself.
Press your support system
Although you have made incredible progress in creating independence, staying connected to support friends or family members or even people with similar trips can help clarify your emotional charge. A brief conversation with someone who understands can make a difference.
Compassion
It is normal to feel guilt or doubt, especially as a mother. When these feelings arise, try to talk to yourself as you would have a close friend – with kindness and understanding. Remember that providing a loving and peaceful environment for your children is already a great gift.
Treat your feelings
You have experienced a lot of things and as much as you have to keep moving forward, you must also treat what you have experienced and cry the life you thought to have. I would recommend that you work with a therapist for a while to help you in the process.
Focus on progress, not perfection
Your children do not need a perfect life – they need a happy and resilient mother. By prioritizing your well-being alongside, you teach them powerful lessons on courage and perseverance.
Good luck for your upcoming trip, you do a remarkable job – one day at a time. I wish you the best.
– Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, a Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner (NLP), a strategist for business well-being and a coach with expertise in the creation of organizational cultures focused on well-being and awareness of mental health.
Send your questions to [email protected]
Note: The above advice and opinions are those of the author and specific to the request. We strongly recommend that our readers consult experts or professionals relevant to personalized advice and solutions. The author and PK Press Club.TV assume no responsibility for the consequences of the actions taken according to the information provided here. All published pieces are subject to publishing to improve grammar and clarity.
