Dear Haya,
I’m a socially awkward introvert looking for advice on how to handle social gatherings. I often tend to feel anxious or exhausted in groups, even around people I know. I struggle to balance the need for alone time with the desire to maintain a social life and friendships.
Although the people around me seem outwardly kind about my reluctance to participate in social events, they sometimes view me with critical judgment, given my awkwardness when I am around them.
Could you suggest some practical ways to handle such interactions comfortably while keeping myself stress-free?
— A socially awkward introvert
Dear Socially Awkward Introvert,
Before I delve further into your question, I would like to point out here that there is nothing wrong with you. Awareness is a great place to start and I can see that you are aware of your personality type. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re failing at life, it means your energy is working differently, and that’s okay. What matters is how we work around what we already have in the way that works best for our well-being and that honors your need for connection and your need for space.
Let’s explore some practical ways to manage such interactions to help you mentally prepare before an upcoming event.
Choose “small doses” instead of all or nothing
You don’t need to attend every gathering or stay for hours. Showing up for even just 30 to 45 minutes can help you maintain friendships without overwhelming you.
Prepare an exit plan that you feel comfortable with
Knowing how you are going to leave a place makes everything easier, for example until you are tired or you have your car with you. This reduces anxiety because you are not trapped.
Anchor yourself with one person
Instead of expecting to have to lead an entire group, choose one person you feel safest with. Being around them or sitting with them gives you a foundation to return to throughout the event.
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Prepare conversation starters
Have conversation topics in mind that you can build on. For example, how was your week? What are you working on these days? Any interesting shows you watch? When you feel stuck, these help you engage without pressure. Remember, curiosity always wins.
Protect your energy before and after
Being self-aware is a superpower. You know what works and what doesn’t. Try doing something grounding beforehand to keep your nervous system calm. After the meeting, schedule some quiet time to recharge your batteries. This will help you regain your energy.
Remember that most people are focused on themselves. We may feel like people are judging us because we are very self-conscious, but we think this is more true. Most people are caught up in their own insecurities.
Introversion is not a fault
Your introversion is not a flaw. The most important thing is that we accept ourselves as we are and create a life around that that works best to improve our well-being.
Start with these steps, but keep in mind that you will feel some discomfort while practicing them. It’s natural. Every time we step out of our comfort zone, our nervous system reacts. The goal is not to avoid discomfort completely, but to stay within a level that feels manageable.
Growth requires exactly that: a willingness to challenge yourself. If you don’t move beyond what feels familiar, you get stuck in patterns that keep you isolated. And while solitude can be healing, all human beings have a fundamental need for love, connection, and belonging. Ignoring this need for too long can lead to loneliness and unmet emotional needs.
So take small steps, honor your boundaries but also honor your need for connection. The goal for you is to build a life in which you feel socially capable and emotionally fulfilled, without being cut off from others out of fear. And remember, always progress toward perfection.
Good luck!
—Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.
Send him your questions by filling out this form or by email to [email protected]
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