Hi Haya,
I am planning to move abroad but am currently short of funds. I’m making the decision to move abroad because I found a job, but the cost of moving to a new country and finding accommodation makes me nervous because I only have a certain amount to meet my needs. a few days, while the salary from the new job will only be credited after a month of starting work, which will not be enough in the end.
This is a strange situation for me, I have found a job and am desperate to leave the country, but the financial worry is too overwhelming. Although I can work around this situation if I ask my parents for help, I’m too nervous to do that. My father can easily save money, but I don’t know how to find the courage to ask him to lend me money. He always insisted that I, as his son, be completely independent and figure things out on my own.
My parents are hard to convince when it comes to money and most of the arguments in our house take place over finances. Please advise me how can I start a financial discussion with my father, so that we don’t end up embroiled in a heated argument?
— A stressed adult
Dear Stressed Adult,
First of all, congratulations on finding a job abroad! This is a big step and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed with a move of this magnitude, especially when financial concerns are weighing on you.
I see your situation in two ways.
1. Trying to figure everything out on your own and drowning in worry, stress, and overwhelm.
2. Seek support from your father.
I think both choices are difficult, with the second requiring more courage. You want to ask your father for support and talk to him about it, but you don’t know how to have the conversation. Let’s get straight to the point.
The conversation you have with your father should be structured, transparent and have a clear plan.
Here’s how you could approach it:
Above all, choose a time when your father is likely to be relaxed and open to conversation.
Start the conversation with empathy and transparency, letting your father know, as you move on to the next stage of your life, how much you appreciate the independence he encouraged in you and the principles he has instilled in you and how much it has made you into the person you are today. This will help you set a respectful tone and reduce defensiveness.
Next, explain your current situation, emphasizing that you have managed to take care of most things but are facing a financial deficit (you can indicate in which area you are facing a deficit). Share that this gap exists because you won’t receive your first month’s salary until you complete your first month of work.
Let him know that you need his financial support up front and if he can lend you a specific amount of money that you would pay back within a certain amount of time. Present it as temporary support, not dependence. Let them know that this will give you the foundation you need to settle in, stay on track, and be self-reliant. Let him know when you will return the amount.
As you close the conversation and wait for their response, be open to suggestions or compromises. Instead of presenting it as a request, make it a collaborative discussion. This might make your father feel more involved and less pressured. For example: “I would like to know what you think and how we can solve this problem.”
Prepare a backup plan – If your father expresses concerns, prepare for alternative solutions. Mention that you’ve tried to find other options, like taking out a small loan from a bank or asking a friend for help and seeing how you can cut back further. This shows that you are not relying solely on him, but that you are seeking his support because you appreciate his help and trust.
As you close the conversation, reinforce the bigger picture – this is an investment in his future and his support would truly mean the world to you and his support in the past got you to where you are today (if it is) and thank him. to do this in the way that suits you best.
Finally, remember to stay calm and collected. If he reacts negatively at first, give him time to think. His resistance may come from his own concerns and not from a lack of confidence in you.
I want you to know that you are taking bold steps that require a lot of courage, and it will help you unlock more of your potential. Good luck!
—Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, neurolinguistic programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organizational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.
Send your questions to him at [email protected]
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